Pat Says...

Linda 08484 was not happy with this. She pulled out the toothpaste and antiperspirant and said they were too big. In reality I hadn't paid that much attention to the container sizes of my toiletries, noting that they were mostly used up. The toothpaste most clearly had less than an ounce left, and the deodorant was half full. Linda 08484 was unpersuaded by these points, so I asked for a supervisor. Amazingly, one came over promptly and was unsympathetic with my need to take these personal care products onto the plane with me. Eddie, who had been in the background swabbing my printer for explosive residue, pointed out the signs explaining the limitations and told me I should check the TSA web site while packing if I had questions.

The last time I checked the TSA web site, it told me I didn't need to remove my shoes to pass through the metal detector, yet when I passed through a metal detector ten hours later, I was forced to remove my shoes if I wanted to pass through the checkpoint. Eddie was unsympathetic to the frustration I experienced with the TSA's web site not accurately reflecting its policies.

Eddie explained to me that Logan needs to hold to higher standards because that's where the 9/11 hijackers flew from. I told Eddie the only standards he has to hold to are the ones required by the TSA. In telling me what he did, Eddie unwittingly implied that a lesser degree of screening zealotry is in place at other airports. Because the TSA would have Americans believe that the more thorough the screening, the more secure we are, Eddie also unwittingly implied that travelers at other airports aren't as safe. This is not the message the TSA should be sending to anybody.

The net result is that my toothpaste and deodorant were confiscated and I got on my plane, throughly disgruntled.

I later went to the TSA web site and reviewed their policies in detail. Of course, Linda 08484 and Eddie were correct enforcing them by confiscating my necessary toiletries.

One other interesting thing I learned is that the TSA does not restrict the quantity of medically necessary substances carried aboard, and they list some specific items...saline solution, saline spray, KY jelly, medic.... wait, KY Jelly? In whose world is this substance medically necessary? In whose world is there a greater medical imperative to have sex than there is to keep one's teeth clean and free of disease?

I have another flight next week. I am going to pack several 1 oz tubes of toothpaste to see what reaction this provokes, and I am going to bring the monster size of KY Jelly, also to see the screeners' reactions. This ought to be interesting.